Noche Buena Thought!

These times we sing and write about the meaning of our existence!

halukay baby

Katagal narin pala.
rundown sa mga naganap:
- field na ako
- allergic ako sa manok at itlog
- doctor in the future? go!
- happiness
- nakapag Pulag narin sa wakas
- 21 and counting
- I'm anemic (shit dati low blood)
- I so love my parents
- swerte
- sweets are friends
Putik matatapos na ang taon at panibagong taon nanaman! Shite.
- skinny jeans is heart
- it's hippie year for me
- serving the masses would set me free
- hoping for the existential mode to be over
- had short spun crushes ( which is better than having no crush at all)
- America trip blast
- other blastness
Weird things do come your way. I can't wait to finish my undergraduate degree
to go and venture to a career that is unknown.

This list do goes on. I'll just fill it up after my reflection!

February 2, 2006

Isya,

Sa Panahon ng recollection, magandang panahon para tipunin ang mga karanasan para higit na makilala ang sarili, ang kaibigan, ang lipunan at nais na patunguhan. Ang malapit na pagtatapos ng hayskul ay isang malaking pagsasangang-daan.

Ano ang gusto kong sabihin sa iyo sa araw ng iyong recollection?

Sa mga ikinatutuwa at hindi maitagong pagmamalaki-
Isa ang malalim na pandama o pag-unan para sa kapwa. Sa maraming pagkakataon mulsa sa iyong pagkabata, hindi iilang beses mo kaming pinag-isip ng nanay mo sa nakikita, naisulat at pagatatanong mo sa nasasaksihan sa paligid. Mainan na mapanatili at mapaunlad mo pa ito. Hindi nakakatakot iwanan ang mundo sa mga kagaya mong hindi naglulubay sa pagtatanong, kung bakit ganito ang kaayusan at ano mang maaring gawin at bahagi natin para mabago ito.

Hindi rin kami nababahala na baka masyado kang seryoso sa buhay, at napapalayo sa normal na takbo ng kabataan. Ang mahabang oras sa pananamit at pananalamin, ang kalat sa kwarto, mga pagtatanong at kwento ng crush, kaibigan at manliligaw, babad sa telepono, ang mga araw ng pananahimik, pagkabaot at di maispeling na pagkakataon. Nakakahinga kami ng nanay mong na walng dapat ipangamba.

Nakakataba ng puso ang kagustuhan at hangarin mong maging guro, sa kabila ng maraming posibleng tunguhin batay sa pinapakita mong kakayanan, makulit na pangungumbinsi (lalo na ng nanay ko) at nagdudumilat na katotohanan ng katayuan ng mga nagtuturo sa ating bayan. Wala nang ibang patunay na nauna kong nasabi kung hindi ang patuloy mong pananalig makaambag sa paghubog ng kamalayan ng kabataan.

Sa dinadaanan mong nagsasangang daan, asahan mong nandito lang kami ng nanay mo, sa ano mang mapusuan at mapagpasyahan mo ngayon at sa marami pang pagkakataon.

Saludo ako sa iyo Isya, kaibigan, kabahaginan, ka-pluma sa mga nais maisulat, ka-band sa mga nais pakinggan at pagnanais maging musikero, kapintig puso sa hangad na pagbabago at ikinagagalak/naming anak.

Tatay

I do actually remember.
Here is to love and life. :)

Joe Satriani - Love Thing

in doubt

hindi ko alam kung pano magcomfort ng taong namatayan ng minamahal
ang aking kayahamikan ba ay sapat na upang bigyan ng magaan na pakiramdam
ang isang taong malungkot at nagdudusa.

hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang mga salitang bibgkasin upang kahit papaano
ay mapagaan ang loob na hindi parin tanggap ang pagkawala ng kanyang matalik
at minamahal na kaibigan.

hindi ko alam.

p(l)ush

The last time I wrote something was two months ago on a Thursday. Amazing.
Last week I went into a gig which lasted 4 in the morning and I was completely dazed as I was walking home. So, I ran instead of walking I just ran. The downside of that night is that I have to mention your name to people you and I know. Still painful. Three years has passed and I am still here thinking and replaying moments and memories like it's on a loop.

"Grabe pare mahirap makipagbreak!" - sabi nila.
Totoo naman. Naiintindihan ko.

Kaya baka kaya nandito parin ako kasi di ko talaga nasabi yung gusto kong sabihin.

Buhay buhay nga naman. Bigyan mo naman ako ng pagkakataon na maging masama.
Hahaha. Insanity!

where I am...

I am here trying my very best to be like you.

The wall flower party pooper.

Days of end has come and I'm feeling like a shit.

Unknown characters

My friendly unknown characters would be unfriendly anymore.

Questions?

Why make movies like fight club that has messages that wants the destabilization of the system but making a film in itself is a confirmation to the society whose system it wants to end? Doesn't that make us a prisoner of the system all more? The movie and story clearly wants to destabilize the system that was put on replay but by resisting that system we replicate it even more thus continuing the structure that we are resisting in the first place?


"We're the middle children of history.... no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives."
- Fight Club

Brain Wreck

I have never done a mediocre paper until now!

Must get back to writing my synthesis paper. Anthro your making my transition semester period difficult. Can't wait to get out of the classroom and be on the field.

Nostalgia

Reading past entries makes me long for the memories of the past.

and in the end

for that reason I can't forgive myself
the state I am in now is a consequence of the bad choices I've made.

Here I am and here I ceased to exist.

The Ultimate Challenge

To attain the title of being the Quesadilla master - I must be able to eat at all restaurants that serve quesadilla. This is the ultimate quest to find the Philippines most delicious quesadilla. :)

For my stomach here is more cheese for you. I know you hate cheese but please exempt my quesadilla quest. It shall begin now.

So far the quesadillas that made my list are the following:

+Chocolate Kiss Quesadilla = Delicious but too oily
+Likha Diwa Quesadilla 2 variations
1. mushroom quesadilla - yummy yum yum
2. vegetable quesadilla - still have to try this one
+The Mexican Resto(Maginhawa) - generic but still tastes good.

For the next quesadilla adventures I must get the names of their putahe and the right names of the restaurants.

I haven't seen a page that has so many quesadilla words on it. Nice and makes me want to it one. Hahaha. That's all for now.

Dreaming of being the Quesadilla Master
-o)-

contemplating

want to get a tattoo!
will or will not?

Distractions

I need to write a paper due this midnight. Damn school!

Post Summer Vacation

I wasn't sure if I was ever going to write again on this blog. After turning 21 yesterday and found myself staring at the screen of my laptop I decided to visit this site. School had already started again after a long vacation in some place where everything is served large, the ice tea's are not sweet at all, there are colas flavored cherry (sooo missing that), where the weather was cold, where you need a car to visit places, the home of the so called "stars," where half of my relatives reside, where I want to be right now and where the age 20 is not really legal.

I have anticipated so much the day that I turned 21 that I had continues heartburn and stomach ache before that oh so grand day. And when that day finally arrived all the anticipation crashed it was just like any other day in the life ISYA. I did enjoy the company of family and friends and the gracious supper at one of the restaurants that serve rated A salad! It's weird that physically nothing has changed except for the evident flab on my stomach. Emotionally I feel like old but not that old. As I think about the past years and all the things I have already went through what always comes out of my mind is that I grew up emotionally and mentally too fast. When I was 13 years old I was acting the age of a 25 year old person. And now that I am 21 the idea was to retreat and be someone I missed during that period of 13 to 21 years of age. I'm trying to have a super moment with myself everyday and I hope it gets more super as I gain more experiences with the days that pass by.

On a side note: I would like to profess my love and admiration to Bob Dylan. Girl from the North Country is really is a great song.

must

must get me into check-up
I'm having this regular chest-pains and stomach ache.
woooh! what is happening to me?

Can there ever really be a just system?

They say in small actions results into bigger actions and larger results. True enough the question hangs to my head with all the contributions people are doing in their own way could it really help change the system? Or is it just a superficial act? When you are able to educate people to segregate their wastes does this contribute to changing the system? Or it doesn't do anything the poor remains poor, the peasants remains landless, and women still experiences oppression and violence. I don't know the answer. Or this are all just principles abstract ideas that will remain abstract.

Hoping to save myself from this too much entanglement and confusion. Would I want to serve the country on my own way or will I commit myself to the organizations who says they are the ones changing the system.

But I sincerely believe on the small things done is and will always be equal to change of the system. Will I prove it I will but not today and not anytime soon. For now I will just continue thinking if I will make the right decision in my life. Take choice on what career would I take. So difficult and confusion continues to settle in my brain.

Will I ever be an instrument of change?

we want airy

The feeling of I must start anew and leave everything in here behind is great that is why I'm having this second thoughts if I still want to keep you. There is the need to let go and start something fresh out of what i have right now. Create something different to the usual stuff I do with you. The need for room for new air to come is expanding. Maybe this is the time to bring our relationship to an end. Being attached to you for a long time doesn't bring out the best in me. But I promise to recall all the things we have done together, the things we have written and the past we have sculpted. Wish me the best and luck to have the strength to start something new.

goodbye for now and see you later. (ohhhh redundancy)

-o)-

getting the hang

I am awfully tired these past few days and there are still many days ahead that concerns academic works and other stuff.
Pagod men pagod ako!

STYLUS TOUGH-6000 Specs

STYLUS TOUGH-6000 Specs

is this worth it?
I need digi cam for the upcoming events.

thought of the day

it is better to be alone than spend it with someone you are not happy with.

what if you named your child I?

There is not that much blog that basically talks about the "I" and have a continuous story and not just by parts and segments of their "I" life.

Let us start a story that would capture the I in me. Let us start a project that would stop the I in interjecting every time it begins to ask for attention. The hope of the I that it may get what I and what the other I need in their life.

The I listens to you and wanted to speak the words that are coming out of your mind. There is nothing else the I wanted more than to be the I it always wanted to be.

There is nothing the I wanted more to say.

sudden urge to be out of here

i wishy i'm not here
i wishy that i'm somewhere else far
i wishy the fog of Baguio touching my cheeks.

Dylanisque

If ever I continued my B.A. in Language and Literature course I would have written a thesis regarding the songs of Bob Dylan.

i cease to tumblr

I don't know what to do with my thesis right now.
I don't feel like writing at all.
I can't seem to draw anything out of my flushed out brain.
Not in the mood really to write stuff about thesis.

while I was supposed to be writing something for my thesis I ended up reading a book and surprise surprise I was able to finish it in just one whole day. Good thing I resorted to reading rather than playing that plants vs. zombies addicting game. And I took a 3 long hour nap that didn't really help in energizing my low intensity energy today. Woke up late, ate a small portion of food for breakfast, grab a book, ate lunch, wash the dishes, tried reading RRL's for thesis but that just made me more sleepy so decided to take a nap, forgot to set my alarm, sleep like I was dead, woke up continued reading the fiction book, stared at the empty sheet of microsoft 2000 not knowing where to start (thesis), continued and finished reading the book, ate supper, read a little portion of the RRL i need, and now I'm writing this down. Writing something about me not getting things done. I haven't reviewed for my three exams this week and I haven't prepared myself for the report I have. What the hell is happening to me?

sipag bumalik ka na sakin gusto na magaral at magsulat para sa thesis ko.
gusto ko na uli maging masipag!

gaaah 2

My admiration continues
let me be your admirer forever
and let my love blossom for you
let it flow and wrap you with its
loveliness

gaaah.

Love Sick

I'm walkin' through streets that are dead
Walkin', walkin' with you in my head
My feet are so tired
My brain is so wired
And the clouds are weepin'.

Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child
You destroyed me with a smile
While I was sleepin'.

I'm sick of love that I'm in the thick of it
This kind of love, I'm so sick of it.

I see, I see lovers in the meadow
I see, I see silhouettes in the window
I'll watch them 'til they're gone
And they leave me hangin' on
To a shadow.

I'm sick of love, I hear the clock tick
This kind of love, ah, I'm love sick.

Sometimes the silence can be like thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true
I think of you
And I wonder.

I'm sick of love, I wish I'd never met you
I'm sick of love, I'm tryin' to forget you.

Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything to
Be with you.

-Bob Dylan song

will the universe take me away

I want to see an aurora.

It's time to part ways.
I'm so sorry.

why?

I now ask myself why I don't use tags at any blogging site I subscribe to.

woooh

so when you search your name you'll find pieces of you all over the universe.

Y'all

Can I not play loud music in my own house?

(yelling inside my brain)

is there a word Damnish?

Mosquitoes

they have morphed into insects who fly crazy
straight
zig zag
and then straight again
attack
wahaha
blood suckers
may araw din kayong mga lamok kayo.

we may never know the reasons.

Nagulat sa nabalitaan, di makaiyak sa gulat
ayaw tanggapin ang balita na sadyang ikaw ay wala na.
Masyadong maaga. Ngayon naiiyak na ako dahil lahat ng
nabasa ay siya ng patunay. Sagad at tumatagos. Sadyang
nalulungkot. Sadyang maaga.

Nalulungkot ako. Napakalalim na lungkot.